I woke up this morning feeling happy! I felt happy because it’s my third wedding anniversary with my husband today. My happiness was diminished only by the sound that woke me up – our youngest cat had peed on the floor and tried to cover it with thin air by scraping the floor. I didn’t go back to sleep again. Instead I got up and cleaned up the cat-pee and had morning coffee with the love of my life and sent him off to work.
I don’t know how or where the thought came from, but all of a sudden I realised that I’m going trough some sort of a mid-life crisis. I’m happy to announce that I know the exact date and time of when my mid-life crisis began. On September 7th in 2015 at 7:13 am.
Well… at least that’s when I realised I was in the middle of a crisis. I’ve been analyzing this thought for over 8 hours now and it’s possible the crisis actually started months ago around the time I started thinking about going back to school. The thought that gave me this feeling of the crisis however came around only this morning. The thought? I’m old! Or maybe more like, I’m not young anymore!
I’m definitely not old! I know that much, but i’m definitely older and I don’t like it.
This feeling of being old has been nagging me inside really bad since last Friday. We had our school’s freshmen party last Thursday and I had a tremendous amount of fun. This is the first time for me being a freshman and I was really happy to be part of the event. The shock, and the hint of a crisis, came on Friday when my classmates started posting pictures of the night before on our WhatsApp group. Everyone else looked so young and I began to feel so old.
I’ve been thinking and analyzing myself and my life the whole day today. Actually No! No, I haven’t. I haven’t been thinking about myself and my life but I have been thinking about the age. Why should it matter to me that much? Why does age matter anyway? Does age matter? Really?
I’m only almost 33 years old (young?) and age-wise I’m somewhere in the middle of our class. I was the oldest one to participate in the freshmen party and that’s probably why this crisis has now erupted at all. I don’t feel old and if I have any reason to believe people around me, I don’t look old either. I get along with everyone in our class no matter if they’re 21 or 47. I can have a discussion with them and I feel easy to be around them. I guess I’m somewhere in the middle in more sense than just being in the middle age-wise.
That’s the crisis?
At times I feel I have more things in common with the under 30-year-old classmates and other times I feel I’m more connected with the over 30-year-old friends. Wow! Enter a light bulb over my head here. I realise now after this written down analysis that that’s obviously the crisis I’m going through. I don’t know where I belong in the class.
I guess this writing your thoughts down business actually works. Who knew!?
I’m not sure if this so called crisis is now over and done with, but at least I now know what’s going on in my head. On some level I’m probably afraid of getting older (my birthday is coming up in two weeks) and on another level I’m afraid of not getting the chance to bond properly with my new friends at school. It’s not like I want to bond with all of them, but if I keep getting caught in this crisis I’m having, I might realise I’ve missed the chance altogether. I don’t want that!
That’s enough of my analysis for now. Let’s see how this crisis unravels.