I’ve been married for only a bit over a year, but I’ve been living under the same roof with my husband for over seven years. I might not know all the secrets to a successful marriage, but I think I have a pretty good idea on how to make this marriage work and last a lifetime.
Inspired by the prompts of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop, I’ve gathered up a list of my secrets to a happy marriage.
1.) Write a blog post inspired by the word: ring.
2.) Your top 5 secrets to a successful marriage!
3.) Talk about an experience where you felt humbled.
4.) Your pets least likable character trait.
5.) Who had the good candy? Share what Halloween was like for you as a child.
2.) Your top 5 secrets to a successful marriage!
You can’t read each others’ minds, so speak up. I was once thought Petri was mad and annoyed with me all the time. I thought I had read his mind correctly and figured out he didn’t like me seeing my friends for some reason. Once I brought it up and asked him why he was being angry with me all the time when I thought he was totally OK with me seeing my friends, it turned out he was just stressed out and pretty much P.o’d with everything. Petri has never been the sort of person who goes out for a pint to see his friends, but he is and has always been OK with me seeing my friends for a pint every now and then. I wouldn’t have married him if he wasn’t.
Also, if you’re stressed out, tell your spouse about it. It helps when you speak it out and if your spouse really loves you he/she will be pleased to listen your worries.
Communication is the key to a successful “anything”, whether it’s a team work, friendship or a customer service situation, but in a marriage it’s extremely important. You need to dicuss the ways you’re going to raise your kids, how to save money together for something you both or just the other one wants.
You should also definitely discuss the little things as well; We both like eating fried eggs for breakfest on the weekend. Petri always seasons the eggs with salt and pepper, and I absolutely hate it when he puts pepper on them. I’ve tried my very best to be the one who fried the eggs, so I can get them the way I want, plus I can fry them eggs pretty damn well! There has been mornings when he has beaten me up to the frying pan and I’ve had to eat the peppery eggs with a grinch. One Saturday morning not that long ago I finally decided to speak up. I’ve gotten my eggs without pepper ever since while he still seasons his eggs the way he likes them.
2. Have hobbies
It’s important to have your own time even though you’re madly in love with each other and might want to spend every waking hour together, (although, I don’t think anyone does…). Have a hobby to get out of the house and have something that’s yours. I started to study French a couple of months ago and I love it! I love having my own thing and Petri loves having some alone time at home while I’m gone. It’s a win-win situation for both of us.
It might be a good idea to get a hobby you could attend together as well. Me and Petri both enjoy watching ice hockey and we support our hometown team. We like going to the games every now and then. We used to go all the time when we lived closer to the arena, but even though we don’t go to every match, it’s still the thing we do together and it makes us closer.
3. The little things
You don’t have to say “I love you” every day, but you should do something little to show you care about each other every day, or at least once in a while. You might have the habit of packing the lunch for him/her, or have dinner ready when you know he/she has had a long day at work. It could be just a reminder to grab the umbrella when it’s raining outside.
I left little notes for Petri a few weeks ago during a week when we didn’t really see each other at all. I was working a early morning shift that week and Petri was working the evening shift at his work, so he was gone by the time I got home and I was asleep by the time he got back from work. He was pleased with my little notes, or at least that’s what he said.
4. Date nights
Everyday life can’t be a constant party and fireworks. Life gets boring at times and that’s when you need to spice it up a bit. Have date nights! I believe it’s important to remember to have date nights especially if you have kids, but also if you don’t. We don’t have kids yet, but when we do, I hope I can remember this advice from myself.
A date night doesn’t even necessarily have to be at night. If you can’t get a babysitter for some reason, you might want to arrange a lunch date with the significant other. Or an afternoon coffee break. Have a date at home when the kids are napping.
A date doesn’t have to be expensive either. You could go for a nice romantic walk through the park, or go on a picnic. Drive for a swim by the beach, or go see a no-addition-fee exhibition at a museum. You could have the date night at home as well; cook together and rent or borrow a movie from a friend, and just enjoy each others’ company.
5. Don’t try to change each other but don’t prevent the other from changing
Don’t try to turn him/her into something new. Let them have their style, their friends and their life if they want them. If their style, their friends of life isn’t something you could value, then go find someone else. If he/she doesn’t read or like pop music, don’t force it, but remember that if you like those things, it’s still OK to like them even if he/she doesn’t.
It’s fairly OK to hint and guide the other to a more pleasurable direction whit the little things. Petri once during our relationship’s early days hinted that he really likes girls with long hair. It didn’t take long until I had grown my short hair into a long hair.
Accept the fact that even if you’re not trying to change the other, they’re still going to change. The world changes, you change, he/she changes. When you communicate openly and share your feelings, you can grow and change together. Don’t take it for granted that the other one would always be exactly the same as he/she was on the day you met. You’re not, so why should he/she be.
I guess the biggest secret to a successful marriage is to love and support each other with all the ups and downs, in sickness and in health.
What are your secrets to a successful marriage or a relationship? How do you make it work?
With warm hugs and gentle thuds – Inkeri